Photo" Karwaal Tang/WireImage
Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage
'Don't get mad... Get even more'
Antidote to a messy break-up? Forget the drawn-out legal battles and painfully public Twitter spats and do as Jerry Hall did, says Charlotte Pearson Methven: quietly and confidently upgrade
There was once a time when the best revenge on an errant partner of certain means was to call a lawyer and ‘take him to the cleaners’. But how things have changed.
Continue for the story and photos ......
Continue for the story and photos ......
Rancour is so exhausting and messy break-ups so unseemly – not to mention unpleasant for the children involved.
Today, we’re all about conscious uncoupling and moving on with love and respect. What point is there in stripping him of half his assets (those he hasn’t squirrelled away offshore) if you don’t have the one that matters most – your dignity?
A new approach is taking hold among ladies splitting from the rich and famous: don’t get mad, don’t get even, don’t ‘get everything’ (as Ivana Trump famously advised when divorcing Donald).
Just get someone better: more alpha, more mature; someone who will treat you like a goddess.
In most cases, he will be older and richer (see Jerry Hall, who rebounded from a cheating partner by going to ground and then re-emerging on the arm of an adoring billionaire), but not necessarily (see Donna Air, who bounced from the millionaire conservationist and casino owner Damian Aspinall to a member of the inner royal circle: the Duchess of Cambridge’s brother, James Middleton – after dating Damian, it was tough to imagine Donna returning to her roots in Newcastle).
This outcome – trading up without looking back in anger – is as much a feat of emotional maturity and self-empowerment as it is a personal branding exercise. Why be a victim when you can be a victor?
London-based branding consultant Nicholas Drummond has written a biography of Kate Moss, which explored the effects of her relationships with Johnny Depp and Pete Doherty on her life and career.
Moss is, he says, ‘the exception that proves the rule’ in that her brand did not suffer as a result of trading down from Depp to Doherty. But this is vanishingly rare and owes to Kate’s unique appeal.
He points to Kate Winslet, who really ‘made it’ after ditching her first husband, the little-known director Jim Threapleton, for super-director Sam Mendes, as a prime example of how reinvention by trading up is crucial for one’s personal brand.
Despite the Rolling Stone’s disloyal behaviour, Jerry and Mick Jagger are said to remain close friends – a testament to her good character
‘When a famous couple splits, both of them need to reinvent themselves or risk sinking into obscurity. This process is not only about survival, but about expunging the past.
'When two big-hitters collide, they confer a kind of mutually reinforcing effect on each other’s images and careers,’ he says.
‘An actress will get movie parts that reflect her brand – and often better parts than she might otherwise have been given. Joint brands also allow career transitions: singers and models can move into acting, actors and businessmen into politics, and so on.
‘The message is: don’t invest your energy in punishing your ex. Don’t make it about him.
'Direct all your energy towards bettering yourself and your own life,’ says Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills-based relationship psychotherapist and author.
‘There is a growing trend in high-profile splits towards women choosing to take the high road: remain amicable, go quiet for a bit and then re-emerge with a bigger and better man.
'The celebrities and A-listers who I treat don’t want to deal with the media scrutiny and humiliation of going through an acrimonious divorce under a microscope, so they pull back and take stock – which, in many cases, means plotting their next [romantic] move.’
And who could fail to be happy for the winsome Jerry Hall when her engagement to billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch was announced?
A mother of four and all-round good gal from Texas, she suffered stoically through Mick Jagger’s many affairs (complete with a love child), never letting things turn ugly.
A similar example is model Liberty Ross, whose husband Rupert Sanders betrayed her with Kristen Stewart, whom he directed in Snow White and the Huntsman. (To add to the humiliation, Liberty played Kristen’s mother in the film.)
Photographs of Rupert in a furtive clinch with the younger actress were beamed around the world in 2012, something that would have driven most women into a demented fury (think Elin Nordegren reportedly hitting Tiger Woods’s car with a golf club when his misbehaviour came to light).
But not Liberty. At the time she tweeted only the word ‘wow’ and promptly deleted her Twitter account.
She then disappeared for two years, divorced Rupert quietly and resurfaced as the girlfriend of millionaire music producer Jimmy Iovine, whom she married on Valentine’s Day this year.
It’s hard not to wonder how Jagger and Sanders feel about all this, and if their exes might not take a bit of Schadenfreude in inflicting a sense of regret on them.
‘Most men feel relief when they see their ex move on without bitterness,’ says Walfish.
‘But it is also normal for the man to feel jealousy and rivalry with the new alpha male and to wonder what was lacking in himself.
'The new man, especially if he is wealthy, will be attracted by a woman who has behaved in a magnanimous fashion towards her ex.
'People of means do not want to feel that their new partner is going to take them for a ride!’
One must be careful, though, not to rush into a new relationship for the wrong reasons, she cautions: ‘Bouncing back with a man she perceives to be superior to their last one can be an artificial way for a woman to boost her self-esteem and heal the loss.’
‘A joint brand can still be beneficial even when the relationship is a fraud,’ Drummond adds. ‘It’s a trade-up, in one sense, but also a trade-off.’
‘But the good news,’ says Walfish, ‘is these women have breathed new meaning into the old saying “Living well is the best revenge!”’
And there is certainly plenty of merit in that.
The queens of trading up...
Jerry Hall Since her 1999 split from Mick Jagger – to whom she was never legally married – Jerry has had relationships but been slow to commit, holding out, it seems, for the perfect Mr Right. Not only can Rupert Murdoch – 85 to her 59 – look after her in the utmost of style, but the two clearly have great chemistry, as evidenced by Jerry accompanying him to Twickenham to support Australia in the Rugby World Cup Final (if that’s not love...). According to reports, one of the things Rupert likes about Jerry is that she’s ‘not grabby’ (she took only a modest £10 million from Mick) and, despite the Rolling Stone’s disloyal behaviour, the two are said to remain close friends – a testament to Jerry’s good character.
Liberty Ross Like Jerry, Liberty, 37, who has two children with ex Rupert Sanders, has been totally gracious, saying: ‘People need to learn to forgive. I have no problem with anyone involved. I feel happier than I’ve ever felt. Rupert is amazing.’ She and her new husband Jimmy Iovine, 63, are clearly besotted and have become a fixture on the LA social circuit. Now, four years on from being caught in a clinch with Kristen Stewart, it’s Rupert who seems pitiable. He doesn’t appear to have moved on with his life to the same degree and is not even with Kristen
Elle Macpherson The Body was never going to sit on the shelf for long. After a string of failed romances – including one with French financier Arpad ‘Arki’ Busson, the father of her two sons – the Australian supermodel hit a pause. Would she, we wondered, slip quietly into her 50s? The answer, of course, was no. Now 51, Elle is happily married to handsome billionaire businessman Jeffrey Soffer and there have even been baby rumours. Arki, meanwhile, is locked in a custody battle with another ex, Uma Thurman
Miranda Kerr Victoria’s Secret Angel Miranda could easily have slid into obscurity when her marriage to Orlando Bloom ended. But she was later seen with James Packer, son of the late Australian tycoon Kerry Packer, and then cropped up more permanently on the arm of another billionaire, Evan Spiegel, the co-founder of Snapchat, with whom she is now in a relationship. ‘He’s 25, but acts like he’s 50,’ she has said adoringly. Orlando, meanwhile, has looked a bit pathetic cosying up to much-younger Disney actress Selena Gomez and holidaying with Katy Perry
Natalia Vodianova When the Russian supermodel’s marriage to British aristocrat and property heir Justin Portman foundered, Natalia moved to Paris with their three children to start a new life with LVMH heir Antoine Arnault, whose wealth makes the Portman property holdings in Central London seem insignificant. Arnault is also easy on the eye and shares her interest in fashion. The two now have a son together
Tamara Mellon With her eye for business branding, it’s no surprise that Jimmy Choo co-founder Tamara has been clever when it comes to her image. After her marriage to banking heir Matthew Mellon broke down, she dated actor Christian Slater for a spell. Now she is engaged to the minted Michael Ovitz, who is 69 to her 48 and founder of the Hollywood talent agency CAA
...and those who need to
Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage
Liz Hurley has dated Hugh Grant, been engaged to Shane Warne, married to textile heir Arun Nayar and had a son with American businessman Steve Bing. Branding consultant Nicholas Drummond says she has never properly traded up and ‘repositioned her brand’ since Hugh, leaving her potential unfulfilled. She is single now – where should she go from here?
Katie Holmes has failed to reinvent herself since her 2012 divorce from Tom Cruise. Even those Jamie Foxx rumours haven’t been enough to move her brand on. Katie has the star power to make it big, and after watching her struggle first with Scientology and then the demands of being a single mother to Suri, we’d all like to see her go to the next level
Suki Waterhouse Dating Hollywood hunk Bradley Cooper took Suki from just another middling British model to serious front-page fodder. It is vital that she capitalises on this soon to build on her brand. She has been spotted partying with Prince Harry…
Nigella Lawson The domestic goddess married mega-wealthy art collector Charles Saatchi after the early death of her journalist husband John Diamond. Since her split from Charles, the sultry chef has gone quiet on the romantic front. Time for her to cook up something new
Jennifer Garner needs to take a page out of Gwen Stefani’s book. Both women were reportedly cheated on by their husbands – Ben Affleck and Gavin Rossdale – with their children’s nannies. Gwen is now dating her The Voice USA co-star Blake Shelton. Jennifer should follow suit and move on too
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